You may be browsing to connect with something or someone, or you may be looking for something in particular. Somehow you’ve stopped off here. I may have no answers for you. I’m in a search of my own here. It began last summer, just when I was starting to feel the freedom of the end of my course approaching. Caught up in reading on projective identification, sitting in the garden in the sun, musing after every paragraph on it’s emotional impact in me; I felt then that I could include the amazing depth of that in my dissertation writings. I have since been side-tracked down a long path of questions in order to investigate possible contents for my research.
Autumn came, berries hung on the trees and a vague worrying feeling began to grow in the pit of my stomach as I never felt ready enough to launch my small project. There was always another search to be done. I tidied up my study environment. That felt good. I stuck a timetable up on my wall. I sought out a research supervisor but had to wait for our meeting as it was difficult to arrange.
In the first biting winds of winter my precious supervision stopped me in my tracks. I had not heard anything favourable about my ideas. Clearly they were not good enough. I had come away with another topic which I did not feel confident with. Nevertheless I began to look into it. My timetable became redundant. Leaves had fallen and I was still reading such interesting theory and practice which I felt infusing into my awareness of my own practice. I was processing lots. Christmas got in the way of my big launch. That moment I longed for when I would know for certain what I was going to write about still evaded me. I still read bits as a book was never far away but importantly I occupied myself with family and an enjoyable change.
It’s not that I’m procrastinating. I live the counselling life. I see clients, I reflect, I go to supervision, I go to therapy, I see friends, I spend time with loved ones, I go places, I do the things I do to relax, I often empty my brain completely and I attempt to keep a balance. Still a decision eludes me. I found an area before. I’ve reneged on it.
I’ve been told it is usual in the research process, to have difficulty in knowing where you’re going to. So I’ve decided to capture some of the process, content and serendipity on this journey; just in case it’s of use somewhere, somehow to someone. I’m even tweeting in the process. This should dislodge me, very publicly, slowly or suddenly my research story will emerge. I will make mistakes along the way I suppose but I anticipate my path will become clear as the frosts of January form and melt.
If this resonates with you or you have any thoughts on the start of a research process please comment.
A Journey in Research 