In a State

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Here I am.  This is me – Person-centred experiential counsellor and researcher. Chaos on the table.  I was feeling overwhelmed.  I was glad the sun was shining through the curtains, gently into my room.  It lifted my anxious mood. Tension mounts as a need builds.  I needed to engage again with my writing, that is the actual dissertation, not this blog.  You may think I am procrastinating here but I find this blogging quite cathartic.

I have therefore been scribbling about my Case Study during this last week, since my last post.  I am on the verge of typing up the first draft of this section of my dissertation.

What has helped dislodge my stuck process is that I’ve been dealing with something different for a few days.  Business needed attention.  I took my mind away to other parts of my life.  This included visiting some friends.  The change of pace and perspective has definitely refreshed my energy towards writing this research project.  I can recommend taking a break even if it is to get other things done but especially if it’s to be with people you care for. Having people to support you, is so important during a ‘journey’ that can become quite isolating.

My heart is very much in this dissertation writing.  Making the decision about what to take on and what not to is difficult for me as there is much which attracts my passion.  For writing at this level I know I must not spread myself too thinly.  While I am believing in myself to eventually complete the research, it is a curious intermittent lack of confidence that results in my insecurity and burdens my progress.

I have decided to write in the first person and not to be impersonal but to be subjective and immediate and committed.  I will after all be representing reality by telling a story in an autobiographical style.  My audience will be small: The assessors, my peers, colleagues and family members.  I am not even trying for publication due to confidentiality issues.

One thing’s for sure; I am developing my capacity for process by blogging, finding myself and my sense of agency.  If I can give myself empathy and prizing during my research I will nurture an environment  in which my writing can evolve.  I hope to develop a greater sense of stability and autonomy of self through my research project.

A person’s state of mind can determine how well they cope with difficult circumstances.  When I keep myself fit to practice I am caring for myself and getting my needs met in life.  It is the same for this research process.  Being emotionally worn or physically exhausted would contribute to becoming unable to cope well.  So when focus is not happening I change my state and this allows focus to form in its own time.

I am off to rummage in my cupboard to find something nice to eat.  I deserve it.

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